This Thanksgiving, Give Yourself Permission to Do Less

Thanksgiving is a time for family, gratitude, and cherished traditions. For many families, it means gathering around a familiar table, sharing favorite recipes, and reconnecting with loved ones. But when you or someone you love is living with dementia, those traditions can become increasingly difficult.

This Thanksgiving, we want to share a simple message: It’s okay to step back. It’s okay to ask for help. And it’s okay to celebrate differently.

Perhaps you’ve hosted Thanksgiving dinner for 30 years. You’ve always prepared the turkey, set the table, and welcomed a houseful of relatives. Now, the shopping, cooking, cleaning, and activity feel overwhelming. Or perhaps you’re caring for a spouse with dementia, and the thought of managing a large gathering leaves you exhausted before the day even begins.

You don’t have to do it all anymore.

The Alzheimer’s Association offers this reassuring advice:

“Give yourself permission to do only what you can reasonably and safely manage.”

Their holiday guidance emphasizes that families may need to simplify gatherings, adjust expectations, or create entirely new traditions. Giving up a longtime responsibility can bring sadness, but it also creates an opportunity for others to step forward.

Let Someone Else Take the Lead

If you’ve always hosted Thanksgiving, consider passing the responsibility to your children, grandchildren, or friends. Ask someone else to prepare the meal, organize the gathering, or handle the cleanup.

And don’t feel guilty about being specific.

Instead of saying, “I could use some help,” try saying, “Would you host Thanksgiving this year?” or “Could you take care of dinner so we can simply enjoy being together?”

In an Alzheimer’s Association article about adjusting holiday celebrations, family care specialist Bonnie Rea reminds families:

“Sometimes it’s about relaxing some of those traditions and focusing on how you want to connect with your loved one.”

Her message is an important reminder that meaningful moments don’t require elaborate celebrations.

It’s Okay to Stay Home

For some families, the greatest challenge isn’t hosting Thanksgiving. It’s getting there.

A six-hour drive, crowded airport, unfamiliar hotel, or disruption to daily routines can be exhausting for someone living with dementia and their care partner.

The Alzheimer’s Society notes that unfamiliar surroundings, long journeys, and changes in routine can increase confusion and stress. It encourages families to consider shorter visits, familiar destinations, and whether travel is truly enjoyable for everyone.

If traveling feels like too much this year, give yourself permission to stay home.

Tell your family you love them, but this year you need something quieter. Perhaps they can visit you instead, bring dinner, or arrange a video call.

You aren’t disappointing anyone by recognizing your limitations. You’re making a thoughtful decision about what works best for you and your loved one.

A Different Thanksgiving Can Still Be Wonderful

Sometimes the most meaningful Thanksgiving is also the simplest.

A quiet dinner for two. A favorite pie delivered by a neighbor. Watching the parade together. Looking through family photographs. A short visit from grandchildren instead of an all-day celebration.

One care partner, writing on the Alzheimer’s Society’s Dementia Support Forum, described simplifying a holiday because the usual celebrations created anxiety:

“We kept it as just a normal day.”

For that family, maintaining familiar routines was more comforting than preserving holiday expectations.

The Greatest Gift Is Understanding

If someone in your family is living with dementia, don’t wait for them or their care partner to ask for help. Offer to host. Bring a meal. Arrange transportation for a short visit, if appropriate. Respect their decision if they choose to stay home.

And remember that care partners need care, too.

At Living Well With Dementia Sisters, we believe no one should navigate dementia alone.

This Thanksgiving, remember that traditions can change without losing their meaning. You don’t have to cook the turkey, travel hundreds of miles, or gather around a crowded table to celebrate gratitude.

Sometimes, the greatest Thanksgiving gift is simply hearing someone say:

“You’ve done enough. Let us take care of you this year.”

Resources and Further Reading

These organizations offer practical guidance for families navigating dementia during the holidays.

• Alzheimer’s Association: The Holidays and Alzheimer’s — Adjusting expectations, simplifying celebrations, and involving family members.

• Alzheimer’s Society: Holidays and Dementia — Things to Consider — Understanding the challenges of traveling with dementia.

• Alzheimer’s Society: How to Support a Person With Dementia at Christmas — Practical guidance and firsthand family experiences relevant to Thanksgiving.

• AARP: Giving Thanks to Family Caregivers — Why practical assistance matters more than expressions of gratitude alone.

Living Well With Dementia Sisters provides education, support groups, and resources for people living with dementia and their care partners throughout Sisters, Redmond, and surrounding communities.

Visit www.lwwds.com or call 541-588-4200.